observer of the world?

[spinner]

Hello,

I've been MIA for some time now. Last week I had a really intense OBE (at least for me it was) and this week I thought to myself: I should visit Other Worlds.

Anyways, I recently moved to South Korea from California and have begun taking meditation more seriously. I'm practicing sitting and walking meditation in addition to trying to be aware of each moment throughout the day. And, as you know, it's difficult and not difficult at the same time (seems the truth is always in the midst of a paradox). So all day, to help become aware of my actions and thoughts, I call them out to myself...in my head of course...or people would think I'm crazy. So if I'm washing the dishes I say to myself: "I'm washing the dishes." If I'm thinking about what to buy my mom for her birthday, I say: "I'm thinking about what to buy my mother for her birthday." It sounds really mundane and maybe even a little ridiculous, but it has a strange effect. Suddenly, it becomes very clear, through experience and not cognition, that everything is fleeting and nothing is permanent. It seems, to truly live in the moment, to live it to its fullest, is simply to be aware of it's passing, to give it all our attention and energy. Mainly because there is so no guarantee of the next.

It's strange, but lately, I feel utterly outside myself. I feel I have become an observer of the world. I don't know how else to put it. There is a shortage of words to express my meaning or experience. I feel less, and at the same time, am totally overwhelmed.

Well, maybe one of you have some thoughts or insight. I think life is amazing, it keeps changing and yet stays the same.

Best wishes to you and yours- Spinner

[eghy13]

hey, thanks for the post. this outside yourself "observer of the world" feeling is something i am striving for, i think if you are already there it can only be a good thing. i especially try to feel this way when i become aware that i am starting to react badly to something - getting angry/ down etc. i find stepping outside myself and observing helps to recover.
peace out.

[existenceisadream]

Hey Spinner,
I understand your post greatly. What you're doing is something that I've been working on for awhile now. I originally began working with what I call awareness moments to help with getting lucid more in dreams. It's sort of like reality checks but instead it's more of an awareness check. I figured if I can get to the point to where I can maintain my awareness through out most of the waking day then I would be able to do it as well in dreams to where most of my dreaming would be conscious. But like you said becoming and especially maintaining this awareness is simple but difficult at the same time.
I do the same thing as you. If I'm walking to work I will state in my head that I'm walking to work. If I'm coming up on 1st Avenue I will say this in my head. I also like to backtrack a bit during the time where I wasn't aware to see where my thoughts were to keep me so unaware. It's weird but with this practice there's days where I'll have hundreds of awareness moments and then days where it's like I just don't have the energy to be aware.
I'm to the point now to where I analyze when it's the easiest to become aware and when It's harder. As in I know that activities where I'm by myself it's much easier to be aware. Leaving buildings, driving a car, riding a bike, walking, ect are times where I'm the most aware.
Then there's the times where I can be aware but notice that interaction with people and drama steals this awareness much like dream characters and dream drama can. When I busy at work I can be so unaware but as soon as the business lets up the awareness comes in. As soon as a conversation is over or I'm walking away from a person I was interacting with the awareness will come in.
I'm basically to the point where I'm working on maintaining this awareness even during the times like I just mentioned.
I do this thing as well when I become aware after a long time without being aware (sometimes hours) and then I will yell out "awareness" really loud (ya I get strange looks often) to basically scold myself for being so lost in thought for so long.
Another thing I do as well when I gain awareness is say to myself "OK I'm aware now but the real question is am I'm awake or dreaming"? I have this thing where I become aware very often in dreams just like I do in waking life but don't take it any further because I never question whether I'm dreaming or not. So I think not only being aware but being aware whether your dreaming or not is especially important.

[spinner]

Wow, you really summed up the experience. I couldn't have said it better myself. It is relatively easy to stay aware when alone, but as soon as I start interacting with people, my awareness also goes out the window. Although today I was talking to my boss and I had an "awareness moment." I thought to myself, "I'm talking to my boss." I thought of your email, but not too much later, I lost it again. It's satisfying to know there is someone else out there on the other side of the pacific, also trying to be aware of each moment.

Oddly, I too have many moments where I'm being cued to be aware in my dreams, but I so often get distracted. I tend to have more successful OBEs than lucid dreams. My intention has always been to lucid dream, but somehow I end up projecting. I don't know. For me, right now, I just want to be aware, wherever I find myself! Lately I have been finding my dreams so like life. The question of whether one is awake or dreaming is becoming very real....more so than it ever has.

My desire to be constantly aware or in a constant meditation stems from this deep desire to be silent. I had this strange awaking a few months ago where I truly became aware that the mind is limited. I had been telling myself that forever, but for some reason, it had a new effect and I knew that now I need to gain a silent knowledge...I just need to be aware.

[~¤LilacSky¤~]

It is relatively easy to stay aware when alone, but as soon as I start interacting with people, my awareness also goes out the window. Although today I was talking to my boss and I had an "awareness moment." I thought to myself, "I'm talking to my boss." I thought of your email, but not too much later, I lost it again. It's satisfying to know there is someone else out there on the other side of the pacific, also trying to be aware of each moment.

lol I often think about this spinner, my awarenes decreases as I head out into the mundane world, I suppose that is why I dislike it so much, however I think Im starting to use my awareness at work more and more, and in pulic, Ive been trying to read people since I was a little girl and I think Ive the knack for it, but I do agree with you that the mundane life and those mundane people lol can realy drain you..
Im trying something though, Im focusing on expanding my energy wherever I go. So far it seems to influence others in my favor lol..but I do this so that I can be seen in a differant way, well perhaps I just want recognition or to attract those of the same belief system as I have.
Life can be very dull thats for sure , and sometimes it is hard for me to get out of bed and have a reason for all of this and I just tell myself that I need the mundane in order to have balance.
but anywho its great to see ya spinner!

[Blake]

Hey Spinner welcome back.

So how did you end up moving to south korea? I'm just curious. Did you used to live there or something?

[spinner]

Hello,

Sorry it took me so long to respond. I was on vacation in Japan for a week. Was wonderful.

So, Lilacsky my meditation instructor told me the other day that we can only see in other people what we know about ourselves. After he said as much, I thought of you and your ability to read people. You are always very generous with your time on this forum. I'm sure it is a reflection of how you treat yourself.

I completely understand what you are saying about the mundane. The mundane is worthless...but the real challenge is doing it all in spite of it's worthlessness. I believe it's termed discipline. Something I'm trying to cultivate.

Hi Blake. I felt a strong urge to come to Asia a few months back so secured a job teaching English to cute little Korean kids. It's a nice change from my life in California. Plus I'm learning a lot about Zen Meditation.

Take care of yourselves...it's cold outside.

[~¤LilacSky¤~]

aww thanks spinner, I bet your teacher is right! and whoa I would love to go to japan!! so how was it??
take care sweety , hope to see ya soon

[blank]

A rather simple meditation is to sit quietly and watch the thoughts flow through your head.... then the question becomes, who is watching my thoughts? I must admit I am a little jelous, and I look forward to reading more of your posts.

[Dancing Bear]

What a fasinating read. Thanks Spinner for starting it. You sound as though you are having a wonderful time.
Thanks everyone else for your input here.. Great read !!!

Dancing Bear