Post by vhaeraun on Dec 9, 2005 20:14:59 GMT -5
SHE was ten years old. Her rabbit teeth had yet to be straightened, her face had yet to become beautiful. She was so tiny she looked younger than her age. Her brother, a year older, large, boisterous and frequently exasperated with his dumb little sister, had taken her shopping. They burst in shining and cold from the wintry weather rumbling with suppressed excitement. "What did you buy, Erica?" I asked. She hugged a secret smile to her, "I bought you a diamond, Mommy." "A what? A rhinestone, you mean? Not a real diamond." "Oh it's real all right, it's got a guarantee, and everything," burst out the brother. "Me and Neil had to wait half an hour while she bought the dumb thing. She had to get the manager. He acted like she was a queen, took her through the vault and showed her all the diamonds." "But you only had three dollars." "No, I didn't, Mommy. I took my savings - I had over eight dollars." "What kind of diamond can you get for eight dollars?" The envelope was produced and carefully unwrapped. There, protected by plastic, was the tiniest diamond I'd ever seen and a receipt for $8.77. It took numerous jewellers and $72 before that diamond chip was safely clasped in a ring. But it was worth it.
The wife of a Southern Baptist preacher talks to her Sunday school class about a wonderful religious experience that she had last week: The other day I went up to the local Christian book store where I saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance at church, so I bought that bumper sticker and put it on the back bumper of my car. I am really glad that I did. What an uplifting experience followed . . . I was stopped at the light of a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and I did not notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus or I may have never noticed that the light had changed. I found that lots of people love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy and then he leaned out his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD, Go! . . .Go! Jesus Christ! Go! Everyone was honking. I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all those loving people and I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage son in the back seat what this meant, he said that it was nothing, probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well I have never met a person from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My son burst into laughter, why, even he was enjoying the love of this religious experience. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended but that is when I noticed that the light had changed so I waved one more time to my loving brothers and sisters and drove through the intersection. I was the only car that got across the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them and all that love that we had shared so I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one more time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
THREE COUPLES, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
The old man replied, "No problem at all, Pastor."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor. The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?
"The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes, we made it."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor. The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"
"No, Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly. "My wife was reaching for a can of paint on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "We know." said the young man, "We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore, either."
The wife of a Southern Baptist preacher talks to her Sunday school class about a wonderful religious experience that she had last week: The other day I went up to the local Christian book store where I saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance at church, so I bought that bumper sticker and put it on the back bumper of my car. I am really glad that I did. What an uplifting experience followed . . . I was stopped at the light of a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and I did not notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus or I may have never noticed that the light had changed. I found that lots of people love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy and then he leaned out his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD, Go! . . .Go! Jesus Christ! Go! Everyone was honking. I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all those loving people and I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage son in the back seat what this meant, he said that it was nothing, probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well I have never met a person from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My son burst into laughter, why, even he was enjoying the love of this religious experience. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended but that is when I noticed that the light had changed so I waved one more time to my loving brothers and sisters and drove through the intersection. I was the only car that got across the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them and all that love that we had shared so I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one more time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
THREE COUPLES, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
The old man replied, "No problem at all, Pastor."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor. The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?
"The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes, we made it."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor. The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"
"No, Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly. "My wife was reaching for a can of paint on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "We know." said the young man, "We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore, either."
