2 New Jokes

[Dancing Bear]

Ok!! I can't help myself i love a good laugh and when i find a good one i like to share well today i found 2 good ones.

! Higher Maths


Subject:Math




This equation should be taught in all math classes!




>From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder
about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all
been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How
about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:

If:
A B C D E F. G. H I. J. K. L M. N. O. P. Q. R. S. T. U. V. W. X. Y Z is
represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hardwork and
Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the
BULLSHIT and ASSKISSING that will put you over thetop !!!




2 How to make a Woman Happy.


How to make a women happy.

It's not hard to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. A friend

2. A companion

3. A lover

4. A brother

5. A father

6. A master

7. A chef

8. An electrician

9. A carpenter

10. A plumber

11. A mechanic

12. A decorator

13. A stylist

14. A sexologist

15. A gynaecologist

16. A psychologist

17. A pest exterminator

18. A psychiatrist

19. A healer

20. A good listener

21. An organizer

22. A good father

23. Very clean

24. Sympathetic

25. Athletic

26. Warm

27. Attentive

28. Gallant

29. Intelligent

30. Funny

31. Creative

32. Tender

33. Strong

34. Understanding

35. Tolerant

36. Prudent

37. Ambitious

38. Capable

39. Courageous

40. Determined

41. True

42. Dependable

43. Passionate

44. Compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. Give her compliments regularly

46. Love shopping

47. Be honest

48. Be very rich

49. Not stress her out

50. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. Give hers lots of attention, but expect little yourself

52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself.

53. Give her lots of space, and never worry about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:

- Birthdays

- Anniversaries

- Arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Show up naked

2. Bring beer

[animal]

That is absolutely great DB...Thanks!!!

[Dancing Bear]

You are welcome Animal.
Being an Aussie our sense of humour must be a little different to to other parts of the world, So it is hard to find ones that you think will tickle everyone, If I tickle one or two thats all that matters.
I am glad you enjoyed. I had a great laugh especially How to Make a Woman Happy.

[Arivis]

Those were two good ones...lol That quite a list of what a man needs to be. Most men just BS there way through most of the tradesman's requirements. Trial and error. OOPS....hope I didn't short anything out!!

[Akeia]

Oh my...i absolutely loved these two LOL, i will share them, if you don't mind.