Spiritually Annihilated

[SiderealWraith]

I shall cut straight to the chase... You see,
There is no such thing as 'spiritual,' 'psychic,' or 'oneiric' phenomena to me subjectively. For years I have spent researching WHY I cannot seem to experience this side of existence, and the how-to's that are suggested always fail me or vise versa. I am the absolute best marionette with no need of an elitist's/ chitauri's digital guidance—in other words, I am and can be nothing more than a fleshy servile doll. Please do not misunderstand; I have a profound internal locution of control and do not point fingers at wealthy white men or shapeshifting reptilians (or their actions to humankind for that matter).

I no longer have such great desire for spiritual or similar abilities, but, it is only human nature to want what I can't have, and all of those fleeting things are among them. Plus... I would think that, in not wanting them, they would be more readily available to me no? Ah, there I go thinking again.

Alas, bear in mind that thoughts are not something I have at my disposal either, but, that topic is for another time.
The following is what I've done/ tried/ and experimented with in order to elicit ANYTHING beyond the cold, mundane clutches of the Newtonian reality:

-decalcification of the pineal gland
-brainwave entertainment; specifically, binaural beats
and sounds with the Solfeggio ratio & etc.
-strange yoga for the arousal of kundalini
-Saltcube
-focusing yet relaxing consciousness
(tell me if possible w/o thought...)
-pyramid meditation
-and much much more I'm sure...

Does anyone know how to activate DNA?
Is there anything other than light (energy) and chemicals (material forms)

Who else is a totally spiritually nullified being? Tell me about it.

Advice?

[~¤LilacSky¤~]

;D hello there, and I agree, howeveryou say subjectively.......
also welcome to the forums,! and I agree with you in most, however why does everything that we tap into ourselves have to be spiritual?I honestly think thats another man's creation. I mean think about it what is spiritual..
and if you seek and dont find well maybe your looking in the wrong place or looking outside instead of inside for answers.
also what are you trying to experience here?
also what about your dreams? You did not list that in order to gain the things you seek....
You have listed man's creations again lol..and that is the seperation right there, man's creations and your own...however the ideal of which you seek may be right in front of your eyes , yet you look past and away..
try working with the subconscious for a bit...honestly that is the only thing man has not touched or can not still.....and you may be surprised at the results you get.
all my studies wtih dreams aind the sub has taught me far more than reality can try to justify...also we are doing a dream study soon perhaps you will join us.
also make a dream journal for yourself, we are only here to help define those images and symbols in your dreams, because see your sub knows more than your rational,logical thought and thought itself can crush your own best intentions..the sub does not, it simply creates a reality that you come from in order to put this one back into shape, this reality holds too many escapes and it wil not serve justice untill you make the sbu known IMO, othjerwise youll end up like every bill,tom and fred trying to perfect this life without any foundation of what is really going on here...
sooo take a deep breath, relax and open the doors to what has been there all along waiting to be heard. the subconscious.

[Lena]

I can relate as I have studied this stuff forever and tried a few things myself without ever feeling like I got "tangible" results. Maybe you are looking for something explosive looking, while you are already experiencing subtle effects, like day to day intuition.

I would follow Lilac's suggestion and start a dream journal. I'd say dreams are spiritual and anyone can have access to those! The reason they work so well for people who might be "blocked" during the day is because conscious mind goes to sleep and so then you are free from inhibitions, well, mostly

[SiderealWraith]

Here's where it gets stickier. ;D

And ewww yuck! The ensuing selfism is distasteful even to me. (So much for the alleged idiosyncrasies of us...)

Anyhow, I digress.
Well, I do try selecting the terms I type in a cautious manner however language is as infantile in its development as the beings who taught it to us. The necessary evil of words must be understood, and so too the approximated point it tries conveying. Being a somewhat radical fallibilist, I'm very much familiar with manmade concepts and the make-believe he calls truth.

However... Sigh... (conversion of 'thought' to word here isn't going to go well)
I neither rely on logic/ reason/ rationality or intuition. There is a little something I call Autopilot—a precious mechanism of my subconscious. Without it I cannot write, speak, react or function in general. It seems volition has abdicated my invisible seat of consciousness upon the woebegone disappearance of Aspect [my ego]. Fortunately or unfortunately, Autopilot acceded to the throne, albeit one of profound nothingness. I cannot seem to fathom how this unprompted vanishing became of Aspect. I miss it not because of some kinda 'defense to my higher self' or similar reason, but because with it I had noetic powers... Nevertheless, returning to the primary topic, there is nothing on the inside.

I've attained a lovely state of apatheia. Intuition wouldn't exactly burgeon from within in this regard. I'm left nothing but the subconscious... And what, LilacSky, what worth is there in something one cannot perceive? It's bad enough that more or less than 99% of our consciousness is inaccessible to our awareness [in other words, our phenomenological consciousness]. Let's say for example, in an other dimension (but occupying the same time/ space], I was in a forest. My circuitry doesn't allow me to bathe in its soothing scents or sounds. I am instead wasting away in a stuffy municipality, biting the Earth alongside my fellow parasites.

Dream log? Haha
Here's how meaningful and serious my dreams are.
Few samples:

* Gandalf tells me he's going to buy some candles (and we're at a supermarket )
* Running as a quadraped for fun, like a dog, on the sidewalk just because? >.<
* Backpacking across this beautiful, lively meadow with my bestie and a couple others, finding a shack before the tornado devours us

So yeah... I guess this is my subconsciousness's idea of a joke.

[~~section8...]

I think you're trying too hard and consequently you've dug yourself into a hole. If you feel you're running on autopilot and have essentially lost all feeling in your conscious mind and only feel apathy, then this is an issue. It's only pain to have very bleak thoughts of mankind and his creations.

I disagree with some of what you say, siderealwraith. But I won't go into it. I think this kind of website is what you need.

A dream journal will help. You shouldn't think your subconscious is playing a joke on you. That's utter nonsense. All of our dreams are fantastical and strange in more ways than can be said. Words do not do dreams justice and never will.

[~¤LilacSky¤~]

I agree with section, I mean what is the machine for here really?(mind) also.....things take time to evolve, and according to your bio you are only 18?? is that correct? if so there is so much learning and understanding to be reached....
wait a second, I see a pattern in your words so you say its only human nature to want and on the other board you said humans give up its only human nature, obviously something is going on below the surface YOUR SURFACE and these things need to be addressed otherwise your gonna end up a cold blooded bitch and make other suffer for it or your gona be cool and help those that need help...I mean seriously..."dreams" are far fetched but only in reality..and reality will bind, consrict, until you have nothing left but emptiness and youll wonder where you poured your cups into...
once you pour them into yourself youll start to see that nothing is relative in fact science cant fucking touch it..its beyond our humanly measurements we created, and btw we created them as well..so lets get one thing aligned here..humans pretty much create it all here...and the soul, well its always been there, its the imagination or fantasy you create from.
I can not prove it is a core in itself however I see strength beyond the physical world and truth as well beyond, there are justifications here, thats the thing...we are open vessels waiting to be released from this controlling world.
idk its very hard to claim such a responce from someone, I mean we all intterpret things differant..my heart keeps going back to compasion and I know frustartion well trust me...it just seems your ignoring what is rightfully yours....which is a shame and it wasnt til a few months ago i realize how man was really manipulated here...in any case it doest matter, sooo silence brings me joy..and it may bring you darkness where everything falters...but where are you in the midst? the same.........
see what im saying here, it does not matter what spectrum you come frome they will ultimatly meet and see thats another thing humans need to feel special...they really do,they need it to feed them to make them feel better but really its quite dumb because we already know we made it here on earth in order to ceate..think about it...omg here i go....
things are very simple....in fact so simple they can convey themselves to be mysteries...and we still dig and seek forth we try that is what we do here and honestly that is what matters...because as far as i can see this is our final round here...there is no definate yes we live forever....sooo we seek... we seek...on and on....we know we are not here for long...so lets make it wortrh it instead of turning life down, accept it and unleash it within ....now...the in is where i speak of because it is where you have created everyting, emotions, thoughts, etc..and once we can realize that and accept............our journey begins...not in gods hands or lifes hands but our own, and logic and rational seem to fade in some unknown place and what is left is us, the real us...where define nothing , place judgement on noting,, we begin to see what has been lost over time..and time is with us all the way how ironic lol
"in the silence I shall know me"
"when you are trusting god, you are trusting yourself", ironic god isnt here...
only mans creation of all these things, thought feelings,which are hand picked by the best assholes and negotiators, make you feel timid, fuck that and screw all these lies that lay upon us Im sorry im here for something more...
i apologize for spazing but life is exactly what we wanted............
we can not create all these things when we are dead sorry
so now is the time to see all sides , an trust me their are many...but its up to you which you want to see
Im done...Im envisioning a lover i gotta go lol

[~¤LilacSky¤~]

this life is a gift...we werent even supposed to get this far but humans wanted to live so they faught for it....and we are still fighting in our own ways...just let mundane go....because mundane is well mundane honey...and the leaf always changes.....be yourself and have fun, because ya know we dont know when our time is up really

[~~section8...]

You always have a way of putting it Lilac. Life is really too short to spend your time finding ways not to enjoy it.

[SiderealWraith]

Sept 22, 2010 10:05:21 GMT -5 ~~section8... said:

I think you're trying too hard and consequently you've dug yourself into a hole. If you feel you're running on autopilot and have essentially lost all feeling in your conscious mind and only feel apathy, then this is an issue. It's only pain to have very bleak thoughts of mankind and his creations.

Nowadays I don't 'try' just let it be, but keep these things always in consideration. This is why I wondered why there was still no difference because I don't directly want them. This tells me my intention is somehow defective. Why do you say my state is an issue? Is this—or something very much similar to it—not a goal of Buddhism? As for the last sentence I've quoted, we could discuss more thoroughly over messages if you would like. My fantasies (aka my ideas, beliefs and philosophies) may not be very welcome by your imagination.

Sept 22, 2010 11:38:05 GMT -5 ~¤LilacSky¤~ said:

I agree with section, I mean what is the machine for here really?(mind) also.....things take time to evolve, and according to your bio you are only 18?? is that correct? if so there is so much learning and understanding to be reached....

Yes, most things do tend to take time to evolve as you say, but not equal expanses of time. Krishnamurti was born without selves, and the rest of us spend lifetimes ridding Ourselves of them. A coddled child, removed from reality, takes years and years to develop maturity; however, an entrusted child, one who was never blinded from true human behavior—rape, destroy, spill blood—he matures quickly. Forsooth I have existed for eighteen years. Does this really calculate my development? I hadn't expected you do rely on such a logical source of understanding, but, we do what we can with the laughable percentage of brain usage.

Sept 22, 2010 11:38:05 GMT -5 ~¤LilacSky¤~ said:

I see a pattern in your words so you say its only human nature to want and on the other board you said humans give up its only human nature, obviously something is going on below the surface YOUR SURFACE and these things need to be addressed otherwise your gonna end up a cold blooded bitch and make other suffer for it or your gona be cool and help those that need help.

Me?
End up a cold-blooded bitch? ;D
I'm told it's too late for that! But I'm not cold-blooded in an extremely spiteful sense. Actually I mostly take a neutral stance, only slightly tilting in the colder and less compassionate tundra. Oh and I'm certainly done with so-called 'compassion' and whatever remains of my buried altruistic tendencies. If people want help, they shall seek it. If they want to dispel their ignorance, they will research and refine their powers of insight. However, the end result only emerges if there IS a rare want for it.

Believe me I'm no foreigner to the darkest of nights.

... ~ long story short ~ ...

I've nestled myself in a wonderfully shaded area; neither too much brightness, nor too much darkness. I'm allowed to shroud myself with more shards of light, or fall into the sadistic death-grip of a darker cloud. The extremes don't bother me due, in part, to this luxury I have. It's understood as mindlessness, and it grants me a position where I can resist the consequential plight of neither seizing the day nor dreading the future (although, at any given time, I may be swayed towards one or the other).

I won't attack anyone else's dreamworld (their tenets and general outlook), but I must address this: "It just seems your ignoring what is rightfully yours....which is a shame." Do you really think there is fairness, justice in All That Is? What a cute, innocent little thought!
Well. there. just. isn't... So no need to feel frustrated or indignant. Shit happens, has happened, and will happen forevermore. Feeling badly about it (i.e. powerlessness, frustration, indignation, & etc.) crushes us beneath the wheel of samsara.

I really do feel a sense of completion, but maybe there's an amusing path I've yet to tread. That's where these things like dreams and ESP come in. It's like completing the longest RPG you've played, and then someone tells you virtual reality came out. It's not vital, but sure you wanna experience it at least once before you exit the Stage Show (or should I say Gameroom). It's not absolutely important that I do these things; they're just actions in one sense or another and I've done plenty of others. One doesn't have to play each and every single game to know about them. Contentedness would still grace me if at any second my time here ceased. Can you say that?

[~~section8...]

I don't know why your "fantasies" can't be shared here. I also don't know why you think you can claim they won't be welcome by my imagination. Simply saying, you don't know me at all.

I understand Buddhism and would say that your state is not, or similar to, nirvana. Walking around in a deep state of apathy with very negative thoughts about mankind (which you are a part of, need I mention) is not some sort of higher state of thinking. Nirvana encompasses a spiritual peace which you seem to have tried to obtain but could not therefore you claim you don't want it anymore. If you don't want it anymore, than why are you here? It seems obvious that you still cling to this desire. I don't blame you for this and I don't mean to insult you in any way. I have been around several people who entertain thoughts that you have and it saddens me in a way.

[SiderealWraith]

They can be shared here; I didn't want to stray too far from the subject is all.
I never laid claim to having 'the' goal of Buddhism, namely nirvana, but 'a' goal. It is not however something that appeals to me, but, another oddity to dabble in if I ever get to.
If not, hey, I couldn't care less. If so, wow, what an 'accomplishment.'
And I don't refute belonging to mankind; a louse among parasites. It seems to me that we are all the same person (pardon my word usage—we are all 'one' and bonded) whether we like it or not. If one likes it, they are contented. If not, they bear a varied weight of spiritual/ emotional baggage. Perhaps it is due to excessive over-generalizations about people by people that we treat each other so strangely. Why does my mental flavor of person sadden you?

[Dancing Bear]

LOL! this is too funny..
Sorry i dont mean to be horrid or anything but when i read your first post you put in your list Saltblock (saltcube as you called it) I am an Aussie, we call it saltblock tis all..LOL! What would that have been for? I dont know whether you put that in to be funny or was serious.. i just foudn it funny.. I havent heard of any spiritual thing that need saltblock... Please if there is enlighten me!! I am serious!! LOL!!

No i dont think meditation can be done with out thought, not that i have ever experienced anyway..There is always some form of thought happening. I found if you are really interested seeing as you seem to have a matter of fact personalitiy you will love Gordon Smith , he is a psychic medium with the same attitude.. he tells it as it is no less. he has books and a cd set out too that has brilliant meditations on it.. you may find interesting.
I really like him myself. alonside john edward who also has a no nonsnes eapproach to it all , but i feel Gordon has more of a matter of fact approach.

and your dreams sound as exciting as mine LOL!!
I am not a dreamer either.
But when you say you dont use logic or any of the other stuff you mention.. you say you are on auto pilot. does that mean you have foot in mouth disease? Coz that sounds like my other half LOL! he most certainly has it!.

Absolutely it is in human nature to want what you havent got.. isnt that how some wars start. It why so much of the country i live in is in so much debt. I want, I want, I want. starts when we are kids doesnt it.. But now we all grown up we can stop Now
I want to be a singer but have a voice of a bleedin Moose. and a Moose would probably sound better. LOL!

Look I dunno whether you truly want to be a spiritualLy enlightened being, by the sounds of it , not.. or just have a few psychic abilities to play around with , I am not getting what you are looking for. maybe i havent read enough.. just stopped at your second post.


You have to walk your talk to make it happen. so if you want to be a spirtual person or psychic you need to be interested. you have to want it enough to make it happen. You cant just be because you think you want it. or should have it.. Like anything in this world you got to work at it.. some take a little less working at it than others.. But i have known people who havent had a psychic bone in their body work hard over years with research and practice, They make it to become pretty good psychics. I wont say the best, but pretty good.
So if you want it..
Work at it!! It aint just gonna come!
Its alos stuff not to muck around with.. Because you have a lot of people out there that truly believe in this, and some not so bright.. which means they are open to be led astray.
and an unwritten code of conduct between true psychics and mediums : Is that it is not a done thing to lead people astray. A true psychic and or medium take their craft or gift whatever you want to call it seriously, they are here to help others through grief or times of hardship. If that is the path you seek, Go for it!! If not, I wouldnt bother, because your intent behind your abilities will soon shine through..and can lead you astray. or into the darker arts.. which isnt too good.
So think seriously WHY!! You want to be psychic or have any sort of ability. Your Intent is important.

Just as a footnote.
All True psychics and mediums are deeply spiritual

[Dancing Bear]

I re- read a couple of your Posts siderealwraith, It sounds like you have been hurt indeed.
and at times may feel numb to it all. I dont know what you are really reaching out for now.. I thought i did in my last post , but now i am not so sure.
I personally dont do dreams, I dont remember half of mine and if i do they are not too exciting. some time something profound may poke its head up, but not often. Plus my waking life is hectic enough, let alone making my dream being world a marathon as well. it would be too much.
ESP I dont know whether i have or not. sometime i know things when in reality i shouldnt know. But that has happened all my life.. But not too often. Now when it comes to spirit and seeing stuff like that.. thats where my forte is.
But again as i said above , even though its happenmed all mylife. i still have had to work on it , practice and perfect. Because with it, i think speaking to most i know, there comes a responsibility. we all have got to a stage in development that a deep urge to help others springs up..
when i was younger it was a novelty, i didnt understand it. I just read plams and it came true.. how cool was that i would think, puffing myself up.. ego thing happening!!
I would see things , knew things and would take pride i got it right.
But i knew nothing of being humble, I knew nothing of taking responsibility for it. I just read willy nilly, blurted out what came , thought nothing of it..
Until a day came when it slapped me in the face.
I held a young womans palm and relaised how serious this is.
She was pregnant and about to commit suicide. How did i know.. I dont know, I just did!
I looked at her. and my face must have said it all and her face ran with tears.
And all of a sudden a funny little man in a brown bowler came forth. and he said they needed her home.
I knew it wasnt here in this country, She knew who this strange little man was, he was a passed over uncle, and his message drove home. She had a light at the end of her tunnel. she had her baby boy and still lives a full life today..that light she didnt see before... Now i am definately not blowing my own trumpet here, because not only was this a lesson for her.. it was a moving and deeply profound lesson for me. I couldnt carry on the way i was, i couldnt just read and think nothing of it. There was absolutely No Intent behind anything i did. I just did it..coz i could... as you say autopilot.
I needed intent! why was i doing this? what did i want to do it for? all of these questions came to me. One of the major answers was for my own self healing. I went to hell and found it hard to get back before i hit 16. runaway from home and never looked back.
I have always had to ability to see more than others could. I could read patterns, i saw the future, I just Knew!! But i didnt know for me.. It never worked for me!
I am now in my a lot older and found my way out of hell. But it hasnt been until 11 years ago. now thats more than 30 years ago. (giving away my age here sort of) Not enough fingers on one hand LOL!! I took me all this time to understand the gift i have, It took me all this time to develop it and understand why i have it.. I did have free will and i had the choice to turn my back on it.
But not only has it helped me heal, but it now helps me help others heal.
Every single known Psychic and psychic medium I know that are genuine and work from pure intent, have all been to hell and back. they all have there horror stories to tell. and some have made me think what the hell was i complaining for.. But Many like myself have moved on and forgiven..as hard as it was.. Now i am not saying this is what you need to do by all means, because i am not going to say i know what you are going through or even know you. I dont!! we are all individual and unique, Your journey is yours and only yours.

I am saying all of this, and letting you know some of my life, to say!!, if this is truly what you want, it is a long journey.. it is a journey of disipline, it is a journey of discovery of self.
it is a journey of realisation and developing a true knowing.
If you are ready for that!! we all here are here to help you start.. But at the end of the day it can only be you that can do it.
Some of us in here have known each other for some time , and seen each other through some tough times, some of us needed to leave for a while just to ride out life. I went off to develop and help others develop. And deal with more crap that life had to throw at me..
But I have never strayed from this journey.. because for me it is who i am, it defines who i am, it is part of my well being. My intent is pure, I am here to help others.


You may be seeking a completely different path, and that is cool. we all different.
we all accept difference.

But please find your intent at some stage of your journey into developing anything that takes your liking. The only way i foudn to develop is to stick around like minded others, taking up tarot really opened many different areas for me.
But i always stuck with people into the same stuff to learn from, ask questions etc..

[SiderealWraith]

Thanks for reading DancingBear. ^^
Yep, Australian English is pretty interesting. I've read some of it in Samael Aun Weor's Treatise of Revolutionary Psychology. Someone sent it to me on 4shared, so if any of you would like to read it, I'll send you the link.

As for the Salt-cube/-block... nope... nothing spiritual about it! Unless of course one considers being told to pay particular attention to the surroundings as well as to spark one's imagination as spiritual. I will definitely have to check this Gordon Smith fellow out. John Edwards didn't seem very serious to me, genuinely. A lot of times it seemed he was up to doing extensive guesswork, but perhaps that's how the media liked to portray it.

This might be a strange question, but it's pertinent. Have you had any vaccinations, especially as a child? I was thinking that, if you have, your abilities would have been extensively more keen and you wouldn't have had to train them as much as you mentioned having done.
Haha Too bad the ether doesn't serve us psychism on a silver platter. Nah... I didn't expect these things to be easily had, but, surely didn't expect them to be that difficult either! And what with my mental voicebox torn out, meditation isn't a choice. Do you know the kind of 'voice' that is there when you read? I very often don't have that and simply 'know' what point is getting across. Also, (I guess this isn't a bad thing but) I never get songs stuck in my head.
I'm almost certain that having an ego is beneficial to ESP development.

Not that I've definitely rid myself of it, but (with my stronger one let's say) I had: a decent flow of dreams, an intuition, and a faintly telepathic ability. My mental voicebox was very cogent, and ( I was at least beginning to think that ) I had control over people in terms of small things like where they walked or looked.
Have you tried this?

This stronger ego (Aspect) was brilliant. It wanted and strived for things, having a seemingly insuperable ambition and infinite initiative. I may now idolize it as I'm not aware of the extent which my memory has been confabulated. Still, I haven't found reason for how it disappeared. Just one nothing-out-of-the-ordinary day, *poof!* I actually don't miss it now because of what's happened. That was six years ago. And six years with this foot-in-mouth disease! Sheesh...

Say, have you found any remedies for it?
But does your other half wanna be treated? ...Or do I even?
Hmm....

I do have a particular item on my bucket list, however short it may be. I was going to set off, wherever it might be: as a vagabond or CouchSurfer around here in the States; somehow go to Antarctica; or with a very close ebuddy who I've been in contact with for over three years. We'd backpack across Europe and other places. Perhaps do some CSurfing, attend festivals and whatnot. I'm like her doppelgänger; we share countless ideas and interests. Anyhow, I might gain some kind of energy through these travels as my life's been more or less uneventful.
Did you experience a flux of energy or something similar during or after you left them?

Given these abilities, or any of them, I'm not sure what kind of intent would accompany it. I would try to focus more on animals if possible. Perhaps being around one too many toxic people in life has persuaded me to be not very humanistic, but that's certainly no excuse.

Would you say that certain abilities come hand-in-hand with each other? For instance, it would have been incredibly more difficult to help the woman you did if you couldn't see spirits.

You can ignore this hypothetical if you would like, but, saying that in general no one had problems, affliction, or strife, [and didn't require help] what would there be to do?
Many live to help others in some way, but what if this didn't have to be? What then would you wake up for? I pose this question to all or whomever reads this.

Okay, let's say things like 'tending a garden' aren't among the acceptable responses. Let's also suppose that anything that has to do with Moor's Law [humankind's technological progress] isn't exactly what I'd like to see either... Is there anything else?

[Dancing Bear]

Sorry for lateness in reply.. had load sof stuff to take care of.

LOL But I Love tending garden LOL!
What would i do if no-one needed help for alfiction strife or had problems etc..

Well i guess everyone will always be curcious about the future.. so I would still Tarot read..
I would also still tune into spirit because not everyone can and i would still be that bridge so others can still talk to their psssed over loved ones..

The only item on my bucket list is to go to France and Scotland LOL!


NO - no remedies for foot in mouth LOL!! I find it quite amusing really



I guess with the all the abilites that are out there.. I have found many people have several..
and not just one in particualr.. I reckon all of them have to co -exist.
I can use all of my senses with spirit..
The key for me has been a journey of self discovery..

All of me was stripped away , had to rebuild not only myself but my life.
It was a very unspiritual and trying time for me, and i am amazed i made it..

Along the way i actually got the choice to keep or not , What abilities and direction i wanted to go in. I chose.
and pursued and grew.
From being in a void of no feeling and nothing spiritual i have come out the other end. quite in tune with spirit and self..
If i didnt have self, I wouldnt be able to do spirit..
It becomes too confusing.. whats me whats not etc..
Ego is one thing that i have learnt much about..
we all have Ego to some degree.
we all have materialistic tendencies to some degree
Even those spiritual.
Ego is one thing i have worked on quite a bit..
I discovered it is not a bad thing, cos with Ego we develop attitude.. and I need that for naughty spirit. so yes Ego is needed!!

But to manipulate others well i just dont there , even if it is to give me space.. and make them stand back.. Unless they are threatening of course.
I just reckon it like this.. What if someone was weaving their magic on me and manipulating me in some way? I certainly would be peeved.
It wouldnt happen these days as i am savvy to any energy work happening around me.
and i am not influenced by it unless I choose.

I guess with anything spiritual and any sort of abilities that come with it all, An utmost respect for not only the ability but self and others has to come with it to develop any further.
I have noticed in my time that people who abuse it or use trickery and try to fool others for own Ego or self gain. Lose it real quick and have to start faking it. ( got reputation to hold up)
They come unstuck.

Those who have others, the planet animals and self in mind with Love then they tend to develop strongest inthe areas that are needed for them to do that job.

To want an ability without forsight as to what we are going to use that ability for, I havent yet seen it happen.


Yes i am pretty sure Mum got me vaccinations for pox , measles , etc..
It was the done thing then.. that was when people stood in the street to be sprayed with DDT.. and toxic chemical harmful to humans. But were told it was fantastic for all sorts fo health problems ..
I was lucky my mum didnt get in that hype. But many did!!
I am finding many many 50 year old are developing Cancers.. 50 years ago the chemical use hit its all time useage.. it used freely and liberally on our food and in the air.
Always thought there could be a link.

But yes i have had vaccines!! my abilities to see spirit have always been strong , i needed to work on how to communicate with them for others..and grow up and mature with it all through experience
and yes maybe Vaccines had something to do with it? dunno..
But my youngest 7 has had all her vaccines and she is really strong at the mo..
so maybe not. Maybe we all affected different maybe.