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Post by Gav on Aug 21, 2005 3:29:01 GMT -5
(First record for the night of Sunday 21st of Aug)
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Post by nani on Aug 22, 2005 9:49:53 GMT -5
hehehe my subconscious does react sooo bravely.. for my opinion this dream just does express perfectly what Im going do here with all of you, speaking in an symbolically language which it is used to - music.
1. Dream: I have to learn to play a new instrument, the "Tablas".. (these are 2 little drums, used mainly in India since a long time. You play with both hands and foremost with the single fingers, the right one which is played with the right hand, is high, the left one, played with the left, is deep) This kind of learning-programm shall take several lessons and there is built a stage, whereto I go again and again through the dream to prove and show if and how I have enhanced.. (lol) During several lessons I first exercise with the right hand on the high tabla, then also I try with the left fingers on the high tabla. Then I yet try to play with both hands, each hand on one of the drums - but its still too early and needs more practice, but I say loud: "I know I will learn this, I can do this, I am sure!"
Well, so be it !!!.. lol
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Post by nani on Aug 23, 2005 4:19:33 GMT -5
SO! Seems its getting a bit deeper and darker, little lol only..
I thought I`ll follow Gavs example to put some preconditions: book-read: till page 21 (explanation of mounting-point) mood before sleep: neutral; good sleep: awoke several times; restive position: changing
2.Dream 23.8.05: totally confusion, each time I awoke I remember another scene, but all the same they appear only fragmentarily and sad, weird or confusing. I just put the scene-fragments: - Im physically seriously sick and feel emotionally very insecure - Two (healer) friends of mine try to heal me, but somehow it doesnt work and also I have not enough money to pay them - in a backyard I find old gifts from my last birthday in april, which I havnt had seen or got: 1. an almost decomposed bunch of flowers, whichof I try to save the ones which still seem okay, but finally none are nice anymore. 2. a blanket, which is drenched totally. I try to wring it out, but its useless, its also too much decomposed yet. - a (producer) friend tries to chain my dog (I aint got) in a backyard - I really dont like that and try to find a nicer place to let the dog sit down - Im with Armin (ex and best friend) in our first community-flat (when I was 17) I am painting a colorful picture, he then is painting too (he is a painter, me not). Then weird and confusing feelings in between us.
Thoughts: seems I have to confront all the "cadavers of my cellar" at once. Doesnt feel good or nice at all, but anyways, seems neccessary, Im not surprised and Im not wondering at all. I would call myself quite a "hypochondric", especially in the last time I feel like Im seriously sick and may die soon, so all the fears and preconceives I got may come to the surface now first. One more important point is, that I`ve rushed through the book the first 2 times that I`ve read it only because of one reason I guess - it made me feel fearful !!! But now Im willed to go through that.
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Post by nani on Aug 24, 2005 8:11:06 GMT -5
book-read: till page 29 (explanation of white strings) mood before sleep: a bit nervous, but ok sleep: quite calm position: first back then right side
3. Dream 24.8.05: Im cogitating and trying to find a solution for something (?). I open up my internet and have a look at the forum, if I can get a hint for that solution. Then Im contemplating about Mushrooms and Notamushroom and then I a kind of decide that - in case I dont find an solution for my question - I`ll do it (what?) like Notamushroom! Then I developped the thought further like a plan with abcd posiibilities and decided: if this doesnt work, then I´ll use mushrooms for that solution. Then I did come to the final conclusion that if it all doesnt work then I still could use an incubator for that !!! Lol
Thoughts: hmm..sorry.. that doesnt sound very clear to me. The only thing I could connect here is that I yesterday a kind of felt: oh how cool, how she (Notamushroom) is having this underwater-event and also this just short and clear: "beng on the head thing" lol - I a kind of admired that clear position she personated. At the moment I dont know more. But the feel of the dream was good and interesting. I acted and felt like a scientist, without hindering emotions. Nice!
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Post by zayin on Aug 24, 2005 13:41:42 GMT -5
Hmm thats interesting. Don Juan recommends mushrooms from the genus psilocybin to induce different realities, to open the mind to different possiblities, and to further the placement of the assemblage point. He also recommends jimson weed, and peote as well. I've been collecting jimson weed seeds too (datura), it can be dangerous though so I'll only try a little bit. See what happens. hehe I'm bad, i know, but I'd like to open my mind further. Mushrooms gave me bad trips, and so I won't be doing that again. lol
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Post by nani on Aug 24, 2005 14:44:02 GMT -5
hehe yeah thanks for the hint Incubus, I also thought for a moment on the fact that mushrooms are used for broaden the mind lol. But I forgot about that thought again very fast, cause I`ve almost died on peyotl, took a kind of overdose innocently in mexico in 1980 and whenever I tried something smoother like psilocybin-mushrooms I had gone almost on the same trip and if I only took the smallest amount only - so since that year I didnt take anything hallucinogene and also quitted alcohol and dope 5 years ago. But maybe .. still.. it has got something to do with it.. its just I dont get it.. only know that I really like to eat "normal" mushrooms lol, cause they have lots of minerals and vitamins I do need, cause vegetarian. But anyways thanks for the hint, maybe I`ll find some more hints in that direction though.. lgn
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Post by nani on Aug 25, 2005 15:32:22 GMT -5
book-read: till page 29 (second attention) mood before sleep: a bit sad, but okay sleep: a bit restive; many dreams but not stored position: back/right side
4. dream-night 25.8.: Im searching for some special emails of mine which could have brought conclusions and explanations for me and others, but they are lost somehow. (then different dreams mix up with each other) Im in a middle-age scene (no wonder cause I`ve watched the film "Martin Luther/middle age" yesterday evening) Then I get up for a moment and when I fall back to sleep I continue dreaming about that conclusion-thingy I was searching for. Then Im finding this informations on a paper under my keyboard. (but dont remember what was written there or if I was happy about that or anything cause it was quite blurry.)
Thoughts: Im searching for something! Of course! lol
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Post by nani on Aug 26, 2005 17:43:11 GMT -5
book-read: no further mood before sleep: excited and exhausted sleep: dont remember position: back, finally left side
before sleep: I did a sound-bowl cleaning of my flat, chanted some while laying in bed and made some obe-exercises. Quite fast the vibrations started (since a long time I feel) softly, intensely hypn. pictures passing and I thought: oh again with this mixture of excitement/exhaustion Im getting easy into obe, now its sure that it works like this for me! But I thought, be cautious, you shouldnt be too excited about that now, then I heard a loud ripping click-sound, sudden fast falling, and then the void (like I´ve got to know it around 4 times till now). I felt so well immediately, but instead of staying there (as before) I went into dreaming :-( ..
5th dream-night, 26.8.05 1. part: I am going to be with someone for whom I was longing to be with for so long. (dont know him from real or dreams) 2. part: I am walking with a man and a woman through huge houses, seems to be a university. There are lots of double-glass-doors and we are searching the exit, an open door, but its night and so most of them seemed to be closed. We are walking quite fast through the gangways and I am leading them, cause it seems I know best and anyways I`ve had brought them here cause we (probably) had been studying something together at night. Then we go down a stairway and get to a double glass door again, I say follow me, take the right one, this is open, but the man just tries to open the left one, I shout. no that one is closed, but after a jerk of him it opens, cause it only was blocked.. 3. part: Im at the 4th floor of a house at night and Im awaiting and going to meet someone (male) I really do like. In opposite to the (unknown) flat Im in there is another flat at the 4th floor of another house and 2 girls (10-12) are standing at the window watching me very interested and excited, we can see us clearly. And I know exactly what they are waiting for and want: excitement and fear! So I do them the favour lol and a kind of play fear, in that I take my hands to my mouth, bite onto my nails and shiver of fear. They are screaming, dancing and laughing of enthusiasm and exciting fear. Then Im laughing over laughing too.
Thoughts: no thoughts yet, just feels so coooooooool!
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Post by nani on Aug 27, 2005 11:06:15 GMT -5
book-read: finshed the first chapter. mood or condition before sleep: sad because of animals, otherwise ok, praying.
dream-night 27.8.: 1. Im with my Animal-Rights-fellow Heiko heavy and violently working on preparation for a demonstration or a wild action for AR, we are a kind of obsessed to get all prepared well. Then a man is coming, interfering so to say and kisses me intensively, then asking when finally I will come to him. He "tells" me that he is longing for me so much and with a real pulling of longing he is insisting: when will you come to me finally? Im getting a bit confused. Heiko is very angrily about that guy, he supposes that he is a nark/police informer, but I tell Heiko that Im sure that this guy is not. I feel more confused and feel a pulling toggled to both sides, Heiko and the man. And then I tell Heiko: I anyways couldnt do anything against him, even if I wanted, cause I even do have a contract with him.. awoke and wrote down, laid down with the wish to dream this further. 2. ..same background-scene (Heiko and I working on an AR-event), but suddenly my grandma (died last year, we have a kind of other-side connection I feel)) appeares and says: "I want to die!" very clearly, but apart from that she seems totally confused, no orientation. (in real she had that, getting lost somehwere in the city, clothed only with a nightshirt). I felt guilty for having unattended her and fast tried to protect her from more confusion, she already looked so thin and transparent.. (no more remembrance) 3. its about being stressed and about sexuality, in this coherence appeares a "chicken-egg", its a percussion-instrument, a plastic- egg filled with grain of sand.
Thoughts: 1. about animal-rights, thats clear, Im totally sad, frustrated and annouyed about that we soon will have another huge toxicity-test on millions of animals, also on cats and dogs, all over in in europe although we brought 750.000 thousand signatures against this senseless torture, because anyways beside this is a unbelievable brutality they react very different to the chemicals than us humans, so this damn thing rather is damaging us humans too on top. For the industries its just a pretext to have tested their damn chemicals, to finally bring them on the market... o o o o o o oh The man, again a man, I gues its just my animus, calling me, to find some peace, some inner peace finally.. dont know.. 2. thats confusing me but it is conspicuous, cause she yet came 2 times in my dreams to die and awake and die again, dont know.. but maybe something within me tries to die, to change.. 3. no idea.. I have a friend and everything is going well.. lol
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Post by nani on Aug 28, 2005 14:19:28 GMT -5
Whilst I decided to read Don Juan surely before sleep, so its my last thought before dreaming, I choosed a book to read besides during the day which has similar contents. Funnily I`ve found something today, something about the "ancient EGG" (I`ve dreamed yesterday of an chicken-egg and recently had an experience with an egg-belly feeling etc) It is written in the examen-book "shamanism and Qigong" of my broth, there (in the chinese mythology-part) is written:
"once when heaven and earth were still one in a "chicken-egg", which means CHAOS (hundun) Pan Gu was born in this egg. After 18.000 years the "chaos" (=the egg) opened up and the "clear" (=heaven, yang) separated from the "fishy" (=earth, yin), and between heaven an earth there was Pan Gu as a bearing pillar...." and so on.
The "ancinet-egg" and the "world-giant" are considered to be mythologeme, which could be translated as "archetypes".
I think that is very interesting, I`ll contemplate about that.
I have to EDIT and complete this post in saying that I dont think that reading about egg=chaos in this chinese-thingee was the big deal, but the fact of the coincidence that I do meet the egg-thingy at all somewhere else than at D.Juans contents, especially whilst reading him, is an interesting synchronicity.
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Post by nani on Aug 28, 2005 14:36:29 GMT -5
dream-night 28.8.05: (remembrance again very fragmentarily) I get shown and explained (by whom?) a kind of family tree, grandma, grandpa, father, mother, brothers. Then Im somewhere on a beach and two 7 years old boys (brothers?) are with me. I have to take care of them, but they are lost again and again and I have to search for them again and again. It then becomes a kind of criminologist-game in which `guilt` does play a role. Another scene, something is urgent, but Im only clothed with a short shirt and no slip, so Im feeling embarrassed. Then again I retrieve a boy (this time he`s around 9 years old) after he was lost.
The dream-feeling mostly was a bit strained, but not too bad.
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Post by nani on Aug 29, 2005 9:59:36 GMT -5
I`ve had a heavy conflict/separation? with my boyfriend yesterday, so my thoughts and emotions directly before and after sleep was about him/us and so I only recall one little thing:
dream-night 29.8 I am somewhere with Jo (Gav`s sister) and Gav, and Notamushroom is there too, but more like appearing and disappearing over and over.
No remembrance of any thoughts, talks, feelings or happenings.
While writing I just get a spontaneous thought about: maybe Im trying to sort out with this dream, if it wouldnt be better to be with Robert (my friend) more "sister-like" instead of being a couple.. hmm
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Post by crazycat on Aug 29, 2005 18:31:10 GMT -5
Sorry to hear about you split with your boyfriend. When you e-maiiled, I thought you just had a fight. I didn't realize you broke up. I just want to let you know I have empathic toughts for you today and I want you to know I care. I hope things get better real soon. There seems to be a lot of us going through a lot of crap lately.
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Post by nani on Aug 30, 2005 7:03:06 GMT -5
Linda, thank you for you empathy, but I dont know if this split is forever, I maybe would hope so, because we`ve splitted up once a year since 6 years - so I am just tired finally (I guess him too), it just sucks off so much energy, but anyways.. dont know anything..nothing.. but its okay.. thanks. lgn
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Post by nani on Aug 30, 2005 8:08:17 GMT -5
book-read: several pages of 2th chapter
dream-night: 30.8.05
Im somewhere with Gav, Kirsty and Jo (no details stored), anytime Gav said: " your certain accompany-partners are not right/not real" (whilst only half awoken I wrote it down like that, so I dont know if `not right` or `not real` was meant.)
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jo
Seeker
Posts: 8
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Post by jo on Aug 30, 2005 12:25:20 GMT -5
It may sound bizzare, but I have a feeling I am going to meet you in a dream soon.
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Post by nani on Aug 30, 2005 16:15:15 GMT -5
oh nice, Im looking forward to.. :-)
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Post by nani on Aug 31, 2005 10:55:46 GMT -5
Yesterday while finishing the next chapter I got aware that I had read the third chapter instead of the second, I got confused and didn’t know anymore which one we were supposed to read this week.. but I had a confused evening anyways, so I`ll stay with the 2. chapt. now this week.
I was waking up several times cause of my cat Arthi, he did scream at me in an odd way, what he does at times lately, so I had a lot of dreams. But unfortunately I thought (k.o. false awakening) that I had written down all these dreams, but when I got up at 5 am I didn’t find anything written. So I wrote down the 3 left fragments and then went to bed again to have a longer dream-story:
Dream-night: 31.08.05 1. Im in a wood together with children (very intensively feel) 2. while floating Im pulling my car behind me through our city-river from one shore to the other. 3. Arthi-cat does cry and scream and clip on me in urgency. (what he did in real then too)
Im with my little car on top of a mountain, there a girlfriend has organised a big party, which (usually in real too) costs some money. There are nice guys I know and I would be interested in to know better, but first I don’t have money to pay the entrance (but manage to have a short look into the party-room, cause I know the organizer-girl) and second I have Arthi and my other cat in the car and I don’t wonna leave them there alone. So then Im going with my car down the mountain-wood again and I drive like drunk and daredevil. Back in the streets there`s almost no traffic-island I don’t hit in a dangerous and hurling way. Then Im at (strange) home and somehow Robert appears. I stay emotionally neutral first, but as he starts to eat with a grin like nothing bad ever would have happened I do ask him if he does think that it would be right to do so, just ignorant or fast forgetting about or condoning yet (like he could do in real). I then say that for me nothing at all is in order.
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Post by nani on Sept 1, 2005 9:57:09 GMT -5
1.9.2005
there was a lot going on in my dreams, it felt deep and important, but somehow Im totally blocked to get it up again.
so nothing..
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Post by nani on Sept 2, 2005 11:37:29 GMT -5
I can not send this post without saying that I feel so sorry and so sad about what happens to the people and animals in the states..more and more pictures and infos getting to us about this unbelievable catastrophe, it just deeply hurts.. and over and over I`ll send my prayers of strength, help and release to the concerned ones and to those who do worry about their families and friends..
my dream-mind nevertheless is on a totally different trip.
Dream: 2.9.05 Im at a kind of (ako) apprenticeship or master-school in the mountains. Have to do examinations of different sort. My teacher is much younger than me and he is stern and strict, but he never appears personally. He shows up from a.k.o. higher realm from time to time to put new questions, proposals or tests (which I dont remember) to me. He has a helper-guy or master-pupil, quite the same age as him, but this guy is very loose and easy, a.k.o. counter-part to the teacher. This guy looks like "the fool", he is laughing a lot but nonetheless he is advanced and full of wisdom too. There are other people too, but my main interest is to learn my own lessons well and to find the right decisions. After a special question/koan was repeated several times to me and I did not find the right access or solution I finally though got to that solution through a detour or way around, somehow this had to do with my female co-worker (from my bureau), but mainly I was helped by the "fool" who could get me out of my too grave and cramped solution-search. He did this with "sending" thoughts and with just looking at me with his wonderful and funny face and at the end we both did roar with laughter and holding our hands.
Thoughts: After four days of no contact I yesterday decided to make the first step towards my friend again, just for speaking and clearing things up definitely about our separation or not or what. Maybe the hurricane-situation has influenced me to do that step, but anyways I like to have clear frontiers. Came out that we`ll give it another try again. As I can refere the charactere of the fool to my friend too, this dream can be an expression of this on a "reality-plane" too. But mainly I would interprete this dream as my search to become one within. The master, the fool and the female co-worker as being three parts/aspects of me within.
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